27 Reasons I am PUMPED

In just about a week, I will turn 27. I am not bummed to be solidly arriving in my late twenties. In fact, I’m thrilled about it. Too many people whine and moan about aging another year. To those people, I say, “What the f*ck is wrong with you?” Behold, 27 reasons I am pumped to be turning 27.

27.) I have driven my car from point A to point B and back again for another 365 days without killing any other drivers or pedestrians. JACKPOT.

26.) My cat and dog have depended on me to keep them alive and happy for another whole year and I have NOT FAILED. Seriously, I would be a terrible mother, but that cat and dog and LOVING life with me.

25.) In this past year, TWO, count ’em, TWO ex boyfriends have declared their lingering love and regret of loosing me. Which is a little sad and awkward, but more importantly just makes me go, “SUCK IT, LOSERS! I WIN!” (And them immediately feel bad for thinking that.)

24.) Birthdays are a holiday dedicated to you. How does anyone not find that awesome?

23.) I can count myself as another year older and wiser. Mastering such life lessons as, “You will always be on phone with the cable company for over an hour. Go to your happy place.”

22.) I continued to be a klutz, falling down several staircases. Still have not broken a bone. TAKE THAT, GRAVITY.

21.) For another year, I have not ventured out in public with my fly open. (Which is a very real fear I have.)

20.) I have not been murdered by a spider. (Which is a very real fear I have.)

19.) In the past year I have learned the amazing lesson that you CAN say no to things you don’t want to do. And there is no shame in passing up the bar crawl for Netflix and a bottle of wine. (Get my buzz on, save money, catch up on my shows. You call it lazy. I call it multi-tasking.)

18.) I have also learned there is no shame in being the team leader of the bar crawl. Stressful week? Rally the troops and stake out the barstools because….

17.) I’ve finally figured out how to drink in public without humiliating myself. It’s been like, an entire year since any drunk texting! Just think how classy I’ll be in ANOTHER year!

16.) I finally have a sense of humor about myself. I crack myself up. That’s important when you’re this much of a dweeb.

15.) I have set and accomplished more physical and mental goals in this past year than in my entire life. This has only increased my capacity for challenges.

14.) I have flopped at many physical and mental goals in this past year. This has only increased my capacity for challenges.

13.) Birthdays mean everyone has to say nice things to you for 24 hours. Which means I can get extra sassy without repercussions.

12.) Calories don’t count on birthdays. SERIOUSLY. THEY DON’T.

11.) Finally understanding what traits I want in my dream job. The job hasn’t been invented yet, but at least I know I’d be perfect for it!

10.) I no longer feel bad about swearing in front of my mother. I’m a F*CKING grown up!

9.) I also fully understand that there is no way I’m a grown up. Maybe when I stop swearing in front of my mother.

8.) Everything is an adventure, and another year just means more of them.

7.) I’ve been accidentally calling myself 27 for the past year, so at least I can finally be right about something.

6.) I can’t remember the last time I posted emo song lyrics as a Facebook status. Which means I’ve done my part to improve the world.

5.) I paid for music this year. Another sign of impending maturity.

4.) I have carried 3 turtles across busy streets in this past year. I am very proud of this. I wish I could put this fact on my resume’. I have an entire new year to save more helplessly slow animals.

3.) I have had the opportunity to witness incredible acts of kindness by total strangers. Such as the amazing group of people who made a donation to the Wounded Warrior Project on behalf of my brother. I can’t wait for the opportunity to pay it forward.

2.) I get to celebrate my birthday with the most amazing friends. Even if they aren’t with me on my actual birthday, I get to spend the day knowing that I have found and collected some of the most amazing humans to grace this planet.

1.) The most important reason of all to be excited. For 27 years, I have woken up every morning. Not every day has been great, or even good. Some have sucked. But I’ve had something like 9,855 days to figure shit out. And let’s face it, there are a lot of people who don’t get to say that.

I’ll take as many birthdays as I can get. Bring ’em on.

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